So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
