I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
ttyl tear gas
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
