I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize