I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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