my soul wont recognize me after tonight
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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