I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
is wine microwaveable?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
