I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
