I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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