i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
