I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
