you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
