Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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