I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
