yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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