i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
