You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
