she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
