im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
