My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
