So drunk, too bad you don't want this
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
