never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
