she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
