ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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