remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
