I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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