i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
