I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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