It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
