I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize