So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
