Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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