as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
