Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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