This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
