My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize