I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
