One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
