a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
