We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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