the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
