i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
COCAINE IS GR8
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize