eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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