DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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