You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
