I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
