opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
