Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
