Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
