Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
