Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize