My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
