guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
