Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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