I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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