I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
