I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize