How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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