i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
