Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
