How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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