I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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