Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
