How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
