Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
