Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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