Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Randomize