iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
