I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
