its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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