i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
