I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize