He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
