i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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