my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
