Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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