Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
