Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
