You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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