It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
