Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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