And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize