You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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