At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
