I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
