Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
