the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
