I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
