I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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