Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
