Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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