I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize