absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
