dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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