a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize