So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
