So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she smelled like a LAN party
Girls should come with a carfax report
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
