i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
