And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
