I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
