do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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