Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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