It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Success! We fucked roommates!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
