Duck Duck Cougar?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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