I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
