im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
