theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
