All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
