Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
