Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
